I am so very sorry I wasn't a better Husband to you. I truly Tried. I can only hope that in your heart you knew that I loved you more than anything on this earth, I know sometimes it might not have seemed so, maybe it was hubris, maybe it was ignorance, or maybe just plain Stupidity. The fact remains that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. If it were not for your Love I would have probably ended up in Prison or Dead by the age of 30. I loved Your son (our son) Danny so very much as well, I miss hearing him say the words "I love you Daddy" I have never even heard those words from my own Daughter, of course I can't really blame her because I was never really anything more than a sperm Donor in her case, due to distance and the Ragged relationship with her mother that always got in the way. Since you have been gone I have tried to be happy again but it has proven very Hard and sometimes I just feel like throwing in the Towel and Joining you In Paradise. But I am to much of a coward for that. Besides, If I believe in God than I have to believe that doing such a Thing would be in fact an unforgivable sin, so I'll just wait till he calls me home to be with you. In the mean time I try and fill the emptiness inside by playing music ( I think you would be proud of how far I have come after not playing for so many years) it is a lot of Fun, but the fun only seems to last a short while before I have to return home to an empty bed and sometimes it seems an even emptier Life. I am also doing a bit of what I went to school for , I make Promo Videos for local bands and film weddings and anniversaries, quinceaneras, Dog shows, Even The Sonoma County Hot Air Balloon Festival.
Worked as a volunteer at Public access TV channel 27 till the city of Vacaville shut it down because of Budget concerns. But None of these things can replace what you brought to my Life. No matter how hard I try, sometimes I still miss you so much I cry myself to sleep. I love You Debbie.