Finale Lstter

My Dearest Debbie,
I think that this will be my finale letter yu. At least for quite some time. I am finding it hard to hold back the tears right now. But I think that writing to you everyday is just prolonging my pain. I want to start putting my life back together. What ever tme I have left That is. Please forive me for the times that I was mean. I never meant a word of any of the unkind things I ever said to you. I have always loved you and always will. You were and still are "My Treasure". I am going to leave your wedding ring to Julia when I pass if that is ok with you. I know she was your favorite niece. Well your brother is up I have to go fix his breakfast. Remember I Love You ETERNALLY>

You Loving Husband,
Ron

Dear Debbie.
It is tuesday June 1. I don't know how much longer I can keep writing to you. I have to try and move on with my Life. That doesn't mean that I don't Love and miss you. It just makes it harder to adjust to life without you. Please Know that I wish I had been a better husband. You deserved much more than I ever gave you.
I love you eternally,
Ron.

Dear Debbie,
It is Monday, Memorial day. Another torturous morning without you by my side. I will try and be stronger today. I have to go to te pharmacy and get your brothers and my prescriptions. I can't afford to shop at safeway any more. I am doing a fairly good job of managing the money. I hope though hat my SSI gets approved. I don't want your brother to go to a home and more than that I don't want to end up a homeless old man. I fear that I may follo Tims lead and take my own life if that were to happen. God I miss you.
I LOVE YOU ETERNALLY,
RON

Dearest Debbie,
I am sorry I missed writing to you yesterday. I wasn't feeling all that well. Today is Sunday and I am getting ready to go to church.I don't know how much longer I can continue to writes these notes to you. The pain of your Loss is still so intense and I don't want to cry all the time. I want to get better. I love you Eternally,
Ron.

Good morning my Love,
I think today may be a better day than yesterday. I hope so anyway. but not if I start to cry now. well just wanted to check in with you and say I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!

Good morning my Love,
I don't feel so down this morning. I hope it lasts. Although I want to cry for missing you right now. So I will make this a short not. Couldn't believe that Crystal didn't win American Idol last night. But she is probably better off second. At least the after the summer tour she is free to pursue her own musical interests. gotta go for now.

I LOVE YOU ETERNALLY.

Dear Debbie,
feel a little better today(except for missing you)so i am going to try and wait for my appointment on june 2. Your brother is constipated AGAIN. He has been taking his colace regularly though. Maybe his sphincter muscle is getting weaker. I don't know but he sure is using it as an excuse to smoke. My fault though I guess ecause I told him that cigarrettes work like a laxitive, and they do. But he is back to chain smoking again. Like I said, my fault, everything is my fault. I feel if I had taken better care of you you wouldn't have died. I should have asked more questions should have been there to hold you hand when you went. I am so sorry.
I LOVE YOU!!!! FOREVER

Dera Debbie,
I am sorry I didn't write this morning. I had other things on my mind. Not to say that you aren't always on my mind. It's just health issues. You understand. I am really missing you alot right now. I bought one of the E cigarettes. just not the same. But I will do my best not to go back to real tobacco. Your brother is having trouble with constipation again so He bought some gigarettes because I know that they help as a laxitive. he was smoking behind my back any way. musch like I was behind yours. I am so sorry. But I know you knew anyway. I could never fool you. Lord the pain of living with out you is so strong. I love you and miss you with all of my heart. I am not sure if writing these letters to you is a good idea for mental state of mind or not. But I feel the need to communicate with you somehow. I know you believed in God and Angels, so if you were right then I know that you can see and read my letters. Till I write again. I love you eternally.

Ron

Dearest Debbie,
Just a short note this morning. I feel a little better today. I still have the chest discomfort and a little upper back pain but no blood in my sinus as yet. a little nausea. Well I have to go. My coffee is getting cold. Love you forever. Trying hard not to cry this morning.

Your Loving Husband,
Ron

My dearest Debbie,
Just wanted to say I Love you and I am thinking about you. I miss you alot this morning. More Than usual if that is possible.
I am really worried about my health. I haven't had a smoke in over a week now. it is getting easier. although there are times when iI just want to say screw it and have one any way. But I won't. Well I have to get ready for church. I love you my Darling.

"I TRY TO WRITE ABOUT MEMORIES
THAT WE BUILT THROUGH OUT THE YEARS
BUT IT"S HARD TO SEE THE KEYBOARD THROUGH THE TEARS."

Good morning My darling,
There was no blood in my sinus this morning. That is good news. However I do have the chest discomfort still. But that will go away as the day progresses. Didn't turn out to be as sunny as I thought yesterday but today looks like nothing but blue sky. Of course it's nothing compared to where you are. Like I said though I hope you don't mind if I wait a while before I join you there. I still have to get your brother situated in a home with an advocate and I must see Merle on June 12th. After all I already have the ticket. Oh how I wish you could be there with me. Well i must go now or I will start to cry like a baby. already getting hard to see the keyboard through the tears.

All my eternal Love,
Ron

Good morning my Love. It looks like it will be a beautiful sunny day today. I am a little worried though about what is going on with my health. But all I can do is take it day by day. Just wanted to check in with you and say "I LOVE YOU ALWAYS"

Ron

Dear Debbie,
Tonight is especially tough. I Love you Darling. I hope you Like the Poem Below. I am not much of a poet tonight. But I hope you like it.

One night at The "Night Cap"

It was one night at the "Night Cap"
In 1981, I met a beautiful woman,
And knew she was the one.

She walked across the bar room,
and as I caught her glance,
I knew at that moment,
I would ask her to dance.

We danced the rest of the evening
we danced the whole night Long
I knew that something that felt so right
could never be wrong

I offered a ride Home,
and by the next day
we both knew in our hearts
I was there to stay.

And two months later
we were married and then
our near thirty year journey was about to begin.

EVERY WOMAN Dave Mason

Dear Debbie,
Life without you Sucks. Today has been especially Bad. I can't go more than an hour without starting to cry for missing you so. I look out the window I look in the Hallway, I reach for your side of the bed only to feel an empty space and my heart begins to ache all over again. I wish the Doctors had told me about the special diet you should have been on. I feel as if I killed you by letting you have your soda and chips. Jay Henry told me it was ok to give you the foods I was serving you as long as you had water or some liquid to wash it down with. That turned out to be the wrong info. Buck was told no water or any other thin liquids. They are to easy to aspirate which is what happened to you my Love. I am so very sorry That I didn't do a better job by you. Please Please forgive me. I Love you so very Much. I am sorry.

Dear Debbie,
I went to my doctors appointment today. There was no sign of cancer in the blood work so that is good news. I do however for some reason still have a sinus infection and some swollen lymph nodes/glands. I have to go back in six months to see if those things on my Lungs have grown any. But for now it is all good. Liver enzymes still elevated above normal but not dangerously high. God I miss you my Love.

Still thinking of you

My Dearest Debbie,
I wish I knew when these tears I cry every day will ease up some. Right now I miss you so very much that it hurts my entire soul. It has been 3 1/2 months since you went to be with the Lord and I miss you more with every passing Day. My Life seems to have no purpose without you. When I cry I find myself looking out the window as if I expect to see you there somewhere. I catch glimses of you out of the corner of my eye and when I realize that you are not really there the tears begin to flow. God I miss you with all my heart. I Love you. My heart will forever belong to you no matter what the rest of my life brings.

Your Loving Husband,
Ron

Thinking of you

My Dearest Debbie. I Just want you to know that I think about you every Day. Today like most days I cry when I miss you the most. I find myself looking out the window as if I expect to see you come riding home on your scooter. The Pain I still feel from your loss so intense sometimes. Went to the Doctor the other day and they did a CT scan with contrast. They found two 1 cm nodules on my lungs. They said that they are nothing serious at this point but to get them rechecked in 6-12 months. I have quit smoking this time I think for good. I am scared that this may turn out to be Lung cancer. I hope not. I want to be with you again but pardon me if I still want to wait a while. I am finally going to see merle haggard on June 12 in Napa. I sure wish you could be there with me. Well I guess thats about all I have for now. I Love and Miss you Very much.

Your Loving Husband,
Ron

P.S, I found some of your Poems. I hope you don't mind if I choose some of them to post here. You Really were quite a good poet.

In memory of my Loving Wife Debbie. 1956-2010

On June 12th 1981 I went to a Local night club Known as the "Nite Cap" Little did I know that on that night I would meet the Love of my Life. As I was sitting listening to the Band "Muskett" play I looked across the room and noticed a slender dark haired girl with beautiful Eyes. She smiled at me and at that moment I knew something was in the air. I sat there for a while trying to get up the courage to ask her to dance. She got up and walked across the room and passed me on the way to the ladies room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her look back over her shoulder at me. She did this a few more times and finally I stopped her and asked her if she would like to dance and she said yes. We ended up Dancing till the bar closed. Her Name was Debbie Lonika Cassidy. As we talked I found out that she had come all the way from another town just to see this band. She had been dropped of by a friend who had left earlier so I offered to give her a ride home. When she told me where she Lived I said Oh Thats not too far, of coarse I'll give you a ride. Just tell me what exit to take when we get to fairfield. As we drove up interstate 80 She told me to tke the Abernathy rd. Exit. I knew that something was up because we had not even come to the first Fairfield exit, But I thought oh well maybe she lives in the rural area surronding fairfield. so as we made our way down Abernathy and came to Rockville rd. where she told me to turn right I knew that this would take us to west texas street in fairfield. Whe we got to west texas street I told her "wouldn't it have been easier to have just gone up the highway a little further and she just Laughed and said yea but it wouldn't have been as much Fun. Thats when it hit me. She took me the back way hoping that I would make a move on her(LOL). We arrived at her apt and being as it was so late I stayed the night. To Make a long story short. I came back the very next day and never Left. and the rest is history. It was an actuall case of Love at first sight for both of us. We where Married 2 months and 2 days Later and where Married for 29 wonderful years. During the first year I Learned that Debbie had a genetic disease known as Myotonic Dystrophy. It is a type of Muscular dystrophy but the symptoms don't manifest till mid 30s 0r 40s. Over the last ten to twelve years her condition progressed slowly but in the Last year she went Down hill rapidly and My Beautiful Debbie Passed away on Feb. 12,2010.
at the age of 54.